Capture Your Grief Day 7 - Memory

I don't have a picture for today's capture your grief, because the memory I have doesn't have a photo to go along with it. Instead I'll just share an update from our caringbridge page the first day we felt Elisa kick. It was such a scary time, after her diagnosis, but such an amazing feeling to feel her kick and show she was still fighting:


December 16, 2014

23 weeks today. Yesterday we had an appointment with our regular OB, Dr. K, as a check up. We are so grateful that baby still has a strong heat beat, 150 bpm. This was just a Doppler check and touch base with our Dr. so no ultrasound, but it was wonderful to know she is still holding on and fighting.

It was also really helpful to meet with Dr. K again, she knows everything we have been through, with struggling to get pregnant, losing Luca, and then how difficult this pregnancy has been. I am so grateful for her, and I can tell she really cares about us and hates that we are going through all of this. She let us know that even though my care has been officially transferred to the high risk docs, that she still wants to see me every few weeks, just to make sure I am doing OK. And that regardless of the outcome she plans to visit me at the hospital and help however she can.

On another note, last night at about 2am I woke up to what I was certain was baby kicking and moving! The high risk docs had said I might not feel her kick for a while, because she is so small, and  due to the placenta issues, it is so big that it would act as a buffer between us. Before now, I have felt little flutters of her moving, but nothing that I was certain of. Last night I could feel her pushing out, like she was stretching. I couldn't tell if it was her arm, her head, or her butt, but it was definitely her. I could feel it, and see it as it stretched my belly out.  I was so grateful that she was giving me a sign that she was still there and still fighting. I leaned over and woke Mark up so he could feel too. I apologized for waking him up (most of the time when I wake him up, I am kicking him because he is snoring!) but he was just as excited as I was. We both just sat there holding on to my belly and talking to her, telling her to keep fighting and how much we love her.