Capture Your Grief: Day 26: Gratitude

Although the last few years have been incredibly hard, I am forever grateful for so many things.  The best thing I think I can do here is just list them

• For Mark - he has been my rock and my strength through everything we have been through.  Losing Luca, Losing Elisa, our struggles to get pregnant.  He is the most loving, compassionate and caring person I have ever met and I am lucky to call him my husband.  He lets me cry and has been by my side in the most gut wrenching devastating times of our lives.  He also knows just the right time and when to make me laugh
• For My mom - right behind Mark in my line of support, has is my mom.  She fixed us meals when neither of us had the energy to do so, we were so engulfed in grief.  She stayed by my side during those first very vulnerable weeks after Elisa died.  I am so heartbroken at the loss of my daughters, I cannot imagine her grief in seeing her own daughter so grief stricken, but knowing she can't fix it
• All of our friends and family who have shown us support.  People have come out of the woodwork, friends we haven't talked to in years have written us notes.  Others send us random emails or texts to just check in or say that they are thinking of us. Even how we can tell a friend or family member is hugging us differently because they know this is hard.  Just acknowledging our pain helps so very much. To those of you who have done that, thank you, we will never be able to fully express our gratitude
• Friends who have traveled this road before us who helped us to not feel so alone.  Those who shared their stories, so I could reach out to you, and other who told their stories after.
• Our doctors, specifically our OB and our fertility doctor who have held our hands during some of our hardest days
• For access to healthcare, although we have had some bad experiences (excluding our OB and fertility doctors mentioned above who have been wonderful) even with the instances of insensitive care, or non-personal care, at least we have access to care, something that many other people don't have
• Health Insurance, without which we would be hurried in 10s of thousands of bills
• A home to come home to after all of the sad days
• People who "get it". Those who have walked this road before and know what it feels like, and those special souls who have not been down this road of child loss, but still have the words (or no words) that show they truly get our sorrow
• Anyone who reads this blog, or has followed my Capture Your Grief journey here or on Facebook.  For allowing me to be me, to be a mother who is grieving her lost children. For allowing me the space to process my grief without judgment.  For supporting me.