Christmas Split Between Heaven and Earth

This is now the 4th Christmas in a row where we have been longing for a child, but do not have one here with us.  Three Christmases ago we were naive, hoping for a baby and expecting that it would happen quickly. Two Christmases ago we had lost Luca earlier that year, heartbroken that she wasn't here with us, and beginning to worry that it was taking us long to get pregnant again.  Last Christmas was the only Christmas I have ever spent with my baby physically here, although not born yet. We did the best to make the best of our Christmas with Elisa, but we were worried about her.  We knew it was very likely that 2014 would be the only Christmas we would ever spend with her living, and we didn't know how much time we had left with her.

Putting up the tree and lights this year, also reminded me of where we were at last year.  Last year, at this time of year, I was on full bed rest, only allowed up for 15 minutes total a day. Mark so lovingly put up the tree and the decorations and my dad put up our Christmas lights.

This year I was happy to be able to help with the decorating, and to put up the tree with Mark, but it also reminded me of what I could not do last year, because I was fighting so hard to do anything to give Elisa a chance.

Despite the better sweetness of this, we did our best to continue our Christmas traditions, like we know our girls would want us to.

We decorated the mantel and put up the stockings.  In 2013 I made stocking for Luca, but I never hung it up, partially because it was too hard, and also because before losing Elisa, I didn't really open up about our miscarriage with Luca.  This year I also made a stocking for Elisa, and so I decided to hang all four up. Some might think it is weird, or odd, but to me, I wanted to include our girls in our holiday traditions.

We still have the whale themed flags from Elisa's gender reveal party on our mantel, so we decided to just add the holiday decor around it

We also decorated the tree.  In 2013 I bought a baby's first Christmas ornament for Luca, And this year I purchased a first Christmas Ornament for Elisa.

My brother and his wife bought us this beautiful Christmas gift of this beluga ornament.

It warms our hearts so much when people tell us about, or send us whale themed things.  As a mother, knowing that someone is remembering and thinking of my child.

And then a very good friend of ours also bought us special personalized ornaments for both Luca and Elisa.

We are doing our best to hold our traditions, make new ones, and honor the loved ones who are not here with us.    Mark's mom and brother came up from California to spend Christmas with us.  Mark's family typically has Christmas dinner on Christmas eve, so that is what we did today. And this year at our little Vega family Christmas we had Mark, Myself, Mark's brother Dave and Mark's mom, all physically here around the table, and Luca, Elisa, Mark's dad and Mark's oldest brother Sergio celebrating with us in spirit.   A family with as many of us in heaven, as we had around the table.