Happy Birthday Luca

Happy Birthday Luca

Two years ago was one of the hardest days of my life.

We had learned just days earlier that your precious heart was no longer beating.  We knew your life was already gone from my body, but my body had not acknowledged it yet.

It slowly realized the horrible truth, as the low achy pains in my back began.  As evening went on the pain worsened.  The pain of your birth was more than I had ever felt, the only thing that has been more painful physically was birthing your younger sister in January.

But that's what a lot of people don't realize about miscarriage. I did labor, you were born.

That dark August night will be one I will remember for the rest of my life.  Labor pains started at in the early evening, as a hot summer lightning storm flashed the night sky.  We paced the floor and porch trying to walk through the pain.  The lightning striking followed by the pouring rain in the middle of August seemed to parallel how it all shouldn't be this way, that we shouldn't be losing you.

You were born around 4am on August 10th 2013, I am not sure exactly when, because the pain and grief made us feel separated from reality, we had no sense of time.  What is so amazing about this timing though, is around this time of the morning that day, your grandma woke up from a dream of her own mother (whose birthday is the 9th of August, although she passed away many years ago) in heaven holding a newborn baby.  It must have been you telling your grandma you made it safe, safe to heaven in the loving arms of your great grandma.

We miss you so very much, and it breaks our hearts every day that you aren't here with us.  Take care of your little sister and make sure your uncle behaves :)

I love you will all of my heart, so much so that a piece went with you when you left.

Love,

Mommy