Hello Again

It has been a while since I have written. A lot has been going on in our lives since October and I honestly wasn't ready to put anything down "in black and white" I know so many people through the blogging world who have suffered through loss, and infertility and I wasn't quite sure how to put this all in words, so I'll just go for it

It is with grateful hearts that Mark and I would like to share that we are expecting Luca and Elisa's little brother.

We can't believe it, but we are actually 36 weeks along, and due mid-May

Even as I write this, I have a silly stupid feeling of "Jinxing It".  But so many people have been so supportive of our journey, and we love and cherish this little life so much, we want others to know he exists.

So, 5 years - nearly to the day - since we started trying for a baby, we will *hopefully* be welcoming our baby boy.  These next few weeks I know will be riddled with emotions. I am trying my best to enjoy each moment, remain calm and I am asking my baby girls in heaven to watch over their little brother <3

Day 20: Gratitude| Capture Your Grief 2016

Throughout this whole experience of miscarriage, stillbirth, and infertility, what I am most grateful for is support.  Mark's support, family's support and support of friends.  I feel so lucky to have a support system around me that not only allows me to grieve in the way I need to but supports me in that.

I cannot tell you how many women I have met who have had people write mean, insensitive things to them on facebook after the loss of their child.  Some women have even told me of their family photos (like what is currently my profile picture, of Mark and I holding Elisa) being reporting as inappropriate on facebook and having it banned.  I really can't put into words how grateful I am for the support we have received. Every note, every "I am thinking of you" every article you send really does mean the world to me.

THANK YOU

Day 15: Wave of Light | Capture Your Grief 2016

15. WAVE OF LIGHT

October 15th Wave of Light for Luca, Elisa and all babies lost

Day 11: Creative Heartwork | Capture Your Grief 2016

11. CREATIVE HEARTWORK 

Shortly after Elisa died, I made this shadow box of her things from the hospital.  It is now displayed in our front room along with the rest of our family pictures.

Day 10: Symbols & Signs | Capture Your Grief 2016

10. SYMBOLS + SIGNS



Luca Star and Elisa, our little baby beluga <3

See here for more whale sightings http://adventureswithbabybeluga.blogspot.com/p/whale-sitings.html

Day 8: Beautiful Mysteries | Capture Your Grief 2016

Both of my girls are mysteries to me. I got to know Elisa's personality more than Luca's because she was with us longer. I know Elisa as a spunky, "fighter" or she would not have made it as long as she did. Luca however, I don't know much about her at all.

I wonder every day what my girls would be doing if they were alive. How my life would be different with them here. How our house would be full of laughter, screams and crying and running and chaos.

How different would my life be if I had a 3 year old and a One and a half year old....

Day 7: Myths | Capture Your Grief 2016

Myth - grief is linear and you work through each step chronologically

Truth - grief is a mess, there is no correct path, and you don't work your way through it step by step.  One day you may be "far ahead" on the grief path and the next day you may be flung to where you were 6 months ago.  Grief is a journey, grief takes work, grief is unique AND grief is not bad, it is the price of love, and I would never give up my love for my children, even if it meant I didn't have grief